I Did It For You
by superniffklainefreak
Summary: "I volunteer!" The words were out of Nick's mouth before he knew what was happening. All he could think about was how scared his best friend looked; how afraid Jeff was the night before that he might be called. Hunger Games!Niff. Contains blood, death, and gore.
1. I Volunteer

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Glee where Nick and Jeff are from and do not own The Hunger Games that this is based off of.

* * *

**Chapter 1**  
_**I Volunteer**_

* * *

"I volunteer!"

The words were out of Nick's mouth before he knew what was happening. All he could think about was how scared his best friend looked; how afraid Jeff was the night before that he might be called.

When the sound of Jeff's name boomed over the sound system, Nick just walked forward, being caught by two Peacekeepers, and yelled as loud as he could without thinking. He couldn't just stand there and not do anything. He couldn't even bear the thought of his tall and thin, happy-go-lucky and sweet blond friend Jeff going into the arena. Jeff wasn't a killer; in fact, he was the complete opposite. He didn't even like hitting people and getting into fights. How in the world could he even survive this thing where the only way for survival was to do what he was so against?

"I volunteer as Tribute!"

All heads turned in Nick's direction. The faces, if Nick took the time to look instead of just staring up at the stage, looked at him in shock and confusion, staring at him like he was crazy. There had never been a volunteer from District 12 before.

"Great, great. Well, come on up here, boy, and tell us your name," Effie Trinket said, waving her hand enthusiastically. She went on to say that in a dramatic turn of events, District 12 had just witnessed their first volunteer.

Nick drowned her out, his blood pounding in his ears as the Peacekeepers guided him towards the stage. It was all deadly silent and Nick could hear Jeff's desperate screaming at him from his spot in the crowd, "Nick, no! No, Nicky, no!"

A tear ran down his cheek as he ascended the steps to the stage in a very stiff manner. Jeff was scared and Nick would be damned if he wasn't scared too. Nick didn't think about the fact that in doing this that he would have to go through with it. Just making sure Jeff didn't have to was all that mattered. Making sure Jeff was safe was all he cared about. And, god damn, was Nick scared shitless if the beating of his heart and the shaking of his hands were any indictator.

All eyes were on him as he walked across the stage slowly to Effie's side at the microphone. Kids from the Seam didn't look too upset, but why would they? They didn't exactly care about the kids from town. The Seam kids protect each other first. 12 was usually really good about taking care of each other, but the Seam takes care of them before the town people.

Nick came to a halt at Effie's side and finally moved to look at the other Tribute, a 13 year old Seam girl named Tina. He couldn't say he had any attachment to her which was good.

"What's your name, child?"

Nick looked up to Effie, taking in her overly white face and very pink wardrobe. God, she was even more terrifying up close. Nick gulped before answering in a mere whisper, "Nick… Nick Duval." All his braveness flew straight out the window now that he was finally facing this. But this was for Jeff. He mattered and that's all that was important.

"Well, Nick, how do you know Jeff there?"

Effie's cheeriness was making Nick sick, and Nick wished that she hadn't just put her hand on his shoulder. This woman was batshit crazy and sadistic. Anyone who could be happy and joyful about kids dying was no fan of his.

"He's… Jeff's my best friend."

The whole street was quiet because, well, they all knew these two. Even the Seam kids paid them a little more attention, even if they don't care about them. The two were inseparable, where one was the other was close by.

"Oh, didn't want the best friend to have all the glory of being a tribute I see."

Nick had never ever wanted to punch someone as hard as he did right now, and never had he wanted to punch a woman before either. But that comment was so far from the truth that, in his mind, it warranted having a fist smashed into your face. But, fortunately for the insufferable woman, he restrained himself.

"No, Miss. I would rather not watch my friend get killed for some stupid game that the Capitol runs for kicks." The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them and the sour look on Effie's face was almost worth it.

"Well, then, now that that has been established, let's have a big round of applause for our first ever volunteer, Nick Duval," Effie addressed the crowd in a stiff tone, not as cheery as she was before. Something about a boy from 12 of all places dissing the capitol put her in a not so happy mood.

_Serves you right, bitch_.

"Shake hands, you two," Effie directed towards the two tributes as the crowd erupted into a soft applause, because who in their right mind would want to congratulate that these two could quite possibly be walking to their deaths.

Nick took Tina's hand and shook lightly. "May the odds be ever in your favor," he whispered to her as Effie wished them both the same thing over the sound system. Tina merely nodded in response and they were both ushered off the stage.

* * *

Nick sat on the couch in the back room waiting for Jeff to come visit. His parents had already came and he cried a little, but tried not to show it as his mother clung to him and his father had to drag her away in the end. It was hard for him, but he had to stay strong.

The door opened, followed by Jeff bounding through and tackling Nick. "Nick, you idiot, you have to _win_, you have to!"

Nick frowned as he clutched at Jeff's biceps as the blond boy cried silently in front of him. "Jeff, dude, I can't promise you that. You know more than anyone that I'm not built for the games. I'm just another kid from 12. I'm a filler tribute." Nick took a deep breath to steady his trembling voice, but to no avail; it cracked anyway.

"No, Nick, you have to win or your death is my fault!" Jeff cried desperately as he clutched at Nick's own biceps in a tight grip.

"No, Jeff, don't say that, okay. This isn't your fault!"

"You _volunteered_ for _me_. You gave up your _life_ for me, and you're telling me it's not? If my name hadn't been called you wouldn't have gone all hero on me and saved me be taking my place. So, no, Nick, this is _my fault_. If you die, no matter how you look at it, Nick, it _is_ my fault!"

"Jeff, listen to me, I couldn't think about you dying in that arena. _That _is why I did this. This is _not _your fault."

They stood there, staring at each other, faces so close and hands still clutching each other's arms as if to ground them together in this moment, to let them know it's real, and that they were absolutely terrified to lose each other. Not like this. It should never have been like this. They stayed like that, the silence deafening around them until Jeff pulled away from Nick and threw his hands up in the air, stepping back from him.

"You think I can deal with it?" Jeff cried in a higher than normal pitch. "Do you think that if you die I'm going to be okay? Well, I'm not Nick!" Tears pools in his hazel eyes as his words tore into Nick's heart. He was right, in any way that they looked at this situation, they wouldn't be okay. So Nick made his decision.

"Dude, I know, calm down, Jeff!" Nick grabbed the blond by his shoulders and shook him a little. "I'll try and win! I'll try and win just for _you_!" And just before Jeff could open his mouth to respond, Nick was pulling Jeff towards him and their lips met. Nick pulled away slowly. "Listen, I had to do that before I left. I feel like I would have regretted it if I didn't."

Jeff's face morphed from terrified and shocked to a small smile as he opened his eyes to peer at Nick. Jeff quickly closed the gap between them and kissed him a little longer than Nick had before, his hands coming up to rest on both of Nick's cheeks. They stood there as their breaths mingled, waiting for their pulses to calm down. Hazel eyes met brown as Jeff lowered his forehead to Nick's, his breath tickling Nick's lips as Jeff whispered, "More reason to come back."

Nick smiled, but it promptly fell when he saw the door open and a Peacekeeper came in, making the two jump apart.

"Time to go," the Peacekeeper demanded as he grabbed Jeff's arm and hauled him from the room.

"I love you, Nicky! You have to win!" Jeff threw over his shoulder frantically.

"I will, Jeff. I will," Nick vowed just as the door slammed shut.

* * *

**A/N:** Already have this written. Just need my Beta to edit it and make it pretty. So expect periodic updates over the next few days. Also, if you're an avid reader of mine, I am working on the next chapter of Not So Hetero After All. So look out for that! Anyway, hope you enjoyed and please review! :D


	2. Play To Your Strengths

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Glee where Nick and Jeff are from and do not own The Hunger Games that this is based off of.

* * *

**Chapter 2**  
_**Play To Your Strengths**_

* * *

Nick watched the landscape blur past the window on the train that was taking he and Tina towards the Capitol. He kept to himself for most of the ride, staying quiet and ignoring Effie and his mentor that he had heard was named Viktor. He even ignored Tina whenever she tried to talk to him. It made him feel a little guilty because she was so young and obviously scared, but it was the way things had to be. No interaction meant no attachment, and no attachment meant that walking to your death in that arena would be _easier_, for lack of a better word.

He just stayed in the far corner of the train car, staring at the blurring landscape until he couldn't see or feel anymore. But then that left him full of thoughts of home and Jeff. God, he missed him terribly, and their kisses kept bouncing around in his brain in a way that made him happy in yet terribly sick to his stomach because, really, there was a major possibility that he'd never be able to come home to Jeff.

Nick shook his head forcefully and stared even harder at the blurring landscape until all was left was a feeling of numbness and "you have to win this" left in his body. All this worrying would only screw him over in the end.

The train arrived at the capitol, leaving Nick being led around in a state of confusion in a blur of activity. Nick did not care what was going on around him, and, even if he did, the numbness made it hard to focus in this world of color and flare and action. It was such a sick thing to see all the people so fucking cheery when they were all going to watch at least twenty three kids meet their death in one way or another.

Before he knew it, he was in the training center watching the careers murder dummies and throwing knives like pros.

"You know, you should do something besides stand there," Tina said, having materialized out of nowhere (at least to Nick).

"Know your enemy," he stated before walking away.

Nick tried to learn the other careers' names, but all he could remember was what district they were all from. It didn't really matter anyway. Most of them would die. And if they stayed nameless then that would be just another degree away from becoming attached.

Instead, Nick watched them all with a careful eye. He made sure to be careful and not show any strength or weakness to his opponents. He watched, listened, and learned the others' weaknesses. The boy from 1 couldn't shoot a bow and had very poor aim. The girl from 2 was deadly with one, though.

No matter, he didn't care too much because he had a plan. He'd act as innocent as possible, would not show too much of what he could do, not even the Gamekeepers. He would act like a wimp, but then when everyone least expected it he would strike and come out on top.

His time with the Gamemakers was a bust like he wanted, but not because he didn't try. It was because they just didn't care. So, instead, he sat in the middle of the room and waited to be dismissed.

"How did it go?" Tina asked him as they waited for their scores to be announced.

He shot her a glare, but didn't say anything as per usual. He ignored the screen until his name was called. "Nick Duval, training score 2." A few moments later, Tina's score of 11 was announced. Nick got up and left right after.

* * *

His interview with Caesar Flickerman was in a few minutes, and he had no idea what he was going to say. Viktor had stopped trying to help him when Nick threw a cup at his head a few days before.

Before Nick was ready, he heard Caesar announcing to the audience, "And now District 12's Nick Duval!"

Nick walked onto the stage at what he hoped was a natural stride. When he reached the two chairs on the stage, he shook Caesar's hand firmly. His hands were shaking slightly as he sat in the chair after Caesar motioned that he could sit down, willing this interview to be quick and easy.

"So, Nick," Caesar began, "you volunteered for your friend Jeff, is that right?"

"Yes, sir." Nick felt tears sting his eyes at the mention of Jeff's name.

"Did he come and visit you before you left?"

Nick took a deep breath before nodding. "Yeah… Yeah, he did. He asked me to win."

"And you plan to, right?" Caesar asked, trying to help get through the interview.

"No… I don't—I don't plan to make it because I'm just a kid from 12. We never win."

Nick's honesty took Caesar by surprise. "Even if Jeff asked you to?"

"I mean, I'll try to make it as long as I can," Nick said carefully. It was good to sound unsure of yourself in this situation. It was playing into his plan of being a little weak so then he could turn around and strike at the end and hopefully win. Nick knew he was going to try, and he was going to win. No one needed to know but him and Jeff, though.

"All right, Nick, good luck, and I hope you make it home to Jeff," Caesar said as he smiled stiffly at him.

Nick was quickly ushered off the stage. The interview wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Now he was free to go back into his room and try to think of some strategies to survive the bloodbath. Unfortunately for Nick, Tina intercepted his path. Nick tried to move past her, but she kept blocking him. Soon, Nick pushed her out of the way and continued on his way back to his room. She wasn't giving up though.

"What are you playing at?" Tina asked as she followed behind him back to where their rooms were located.

Sighing, he stopped in his tracks to spin around on her. "Taking pointers from me? Knowing the enemy? You need a little practice, Tina. Giving yourself away is a no-no." He wiggled his pointer finger at her, and then quickly made his way to the door of his room. He slammed his door in her face before she could say any more.

* * *

He did not sleep the night before the games. The last conversation in the backroom with Jeff kept replaying over and over in his head and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get his mind to shut off long enough to sleep. Not to mention he was nervous as hell for tomorrow.

Nick wasn't surprised when his stylist only gave him a warning to not step off of the platform too early as he stepped onto the platform to wait. He was slowly brought up as the platform rose, and when it stopped he looked around the arena he was just thrown into. Trees, that's all he saw, except for the big metal Cornucopia in the middle that held all the weapons and general supplies the tributes would need to survive. While his eyes swept over all the weapons and supplies that were offered, his eyes zeroed in on a big black bag that had knives in the side pocket not far from his platform. That was his.

He grinned and crouched down slightly to get ready to run like his life depended on it as a memory flashed through his head.

"_Come on, Nick, just throw the knife. See if you can make it stick in the tree." _

_Nick sighed. Jeff had been trying to get him to train a little for the Games. Nick obeyed, grabbing the knife away from Jeff and quickly chucking it at the tree. _

_Jeff clapped and the grin lit up his face. "Good aim, man. I thought you would miss." _

_Nick snorted. "Your faith in me astounds me," he said sarcastically towards his friend._

_Jeff shrugged and quickly jogged over to the tree to retrieve the knife, but after a few hard yanks, he found that the knife wouldn't budge. "Well, Nick, if you ever get called in for the arena, you know your weapon of choice." _

_Three years later and the knife was still in the tree._

A booming sound exploded around the arena, signaling that the games had begun.

Wasting no time at all, Nick sprung off the platform as he raced to the bag with the knife in it. He reached for it, ready to grab it and run, but was nudged sideways as the boy from 11 reached for the same bag. The two grabbed a hold of the bag and began a game of tug of war. Nick gave a hard yank backwards, making the knives fall out of the pocket. The other boy was trying to yank the bag in the opposite direction and it was really pissing Nick off. He did the first thing to come to mind: he picked up one of the knives and threw it at the boy. The knife hit its target, catching the boy in the neck.

Nick allowed a smile to grace his lips as he shouldered the bag that he had won. He picked up the knives from the ground quickly before starting a mad dash to the trees, only pausing briefly to pull the knife out of the kid's neck. He'd need any and all knives that he could get a hold of and he couldn't allow even one to be left behind.

His chest was burning by the time he slowed down once he hit the tree line, but he kept jogging in order to get deeper under the cover of the trees. He slowed to a walk when he was far enough from the bloodbath that he couldn't hear anything. He scanned his surroundings, knowing that now he had to find cover. Cover would be one of the keys in this game to stay alive.

He couldn't climb trees because he was too heavy, and his upper arm strength sucked aside from throwing knives. He looked around some more, feeling his breathing start to slow as the pounding of his heart eased. Without the pounding in his head he could think more clearly now.

Brown eyes scanned the wooded area, and just as he was making the fifth scan, he found a small indent at the base of a tree made by a huge root that had bucked up from the earth. Grass, moss, leaves, and vines covered the opening so well that it was hard to see unless you looked hard enough. That would be good because he needed to be hidden from the others.

Nick walked closer and moved some vines aside to see an alcove big enough for him to squeeze into. He could curl up in there and still be able to see what was happening around him, which was a major advantage.

Grinning triumphantly to himself, he crawled inside to set up camp, because who knew how long he had to be this safe. He emptied the contents of the bag to survey the supplies that he had. In the bag he found a jug of water, some trail mix, a blanket, and a jacket that had places to hold the knives on the outside so he didn't have to carry them on his back.

"Perfect. Don't worry, Jeffie, I'll be home soon."


	3. Saying Goodbye

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Glee where Nick and Jeff are from and do not own The Hunger Games that this is based off of.

**Warnings:** violence, blood, gore, death.

* * *

**Chapter 3**  
_**Saying Goodbye**_

* * *

Nick stayed huddled in his little alcove until night fell. He did not want to know who had died in the bloodbath but the less people he had to kill, the better. But each time the boom sounded that signaled another kid had succumbed to death had Nick jumping, the sound jarring his bones in a sickly manner, and peeking out of the alcove against his better judgment. The boy from 1, the girl from 3, both from 5, the girl from 6, the two from 8, and the boy from 11 that he himself had killed were now out of the game. Eight alone had died in the bloodbath.

Nick didn't like to think about how he had killed someone so easily, but it was either that kid or himself, and he had to get back home to Jeff, so it definitely could not be him.

Fifteen other kids were left, and that included Tina. Nick wrapped up in his blanket and hoped they would all just kill each other off. But, sadly, that would not be the case as Nick woke up to a rustling outside of his hiding spot. The rustling stopped a few feet away, followed by a voice, "Come on out, Nick, or we smoke you out." It was Tina and she said _we_. We?

Nick poked his head out to see the boy and girl from 2 pointing arrows at him and Tina holding a spear. To a normal person, they would be alarmed. Nick, though, he just sighed and rolled his eyes. Inwardly he kicked himself for being found.

"Careers, Tina, really?" Nick asked coming out of his alcove slowly, dusting his clothes off in a manner of nonchalance. There were two knifes attached to Nick's hips and he hoped they wouldn't notice them.

"Well, when my district partner is a dick what else am I to do?" she snarked back, leaning against her spear.

"How'd you find me?" Nick asked, keeping his arms at his sides in order to hide the knives as well as keeping them in close range to grab.

"We followed the footprints you left in the mud easily," Tina answered with a '_you're a fucking idiot for that'_ look plastered on her face.

Nick had a plan. He just had to keep Tina talking long enough for one of the other two to let their guard down. "Oh, really? Oops," Nick said in mock surprise with a lift of his shoulders in a shrugged. "I didn't think about that." And then, out of the corner of his eye, he got his chance.

The boy shifted, letting his bow down a little. Nick fought back the smirk that was threatening to split his face as he put his plan into action. He grabbed the knives from his belt quickly before the other three could even comprehend the movement. He snapped his arm and chucked the first knife at the girl who still had her bow pointed at him. It flew right past the bow and hit her in the chest right where her heart was, the impact knocking her body back. Before her body had even hit the ground, Nick had chucked the other one at the boy. It hit him in the eye and wouldn't kill him on impact, but if he could throw another one he'd be done for too.

Before he could grab another knife, Nick saw Tina with her spear trained on him. She was hesitant, and Nick thanked whoever was listening for that. He got kind of cocky and hadn't defended himself and she could have killed him in the blink of an eye if she wanted to. But, of course she was hesitating. Nick took this as his advantage.

Slowly he turned to her with a hard look on his face. "If you kill me, Tina, no one in 12 will forgive you."

Tina smirked at him. "I don't care." She brought back her arm, getting ready to throw, and Nick took the opening to rush forward and tackle her to the ground.

"You're from the fucking seam! What happened to taking care of your district?" Nick yelled in her face as they struggled on the ground. Nick quickly had her pinned, though she struggled like no tomorrow. She wasn't strong, but she was smaller and she had more advantage of squirming out from under him. Once he had her pinned, though, she couldn't squirm so much.

So, instead, she spit him in the face. "You're trying your hardest to get out of here, and so am I." She took his momentary shock to push herself backwards to grab her spear that had been knocked out of her hand. "If it means killing some prick to do it, I will!"

Nick growled, wiping his face quickly and surged forward to grab the spear. She had flipped over on her stomach to crawl toward it, and after he landed on her back, pushing down with his stronger body and extra reach, he grabbed the spear and quickly hopped back up to his feet. He pressed the spear to her back, where she froze on the ground.

"Get up, run, and don't come back. I only let you go this once because I _do_ believe in protecting districts." He paused to prod her side with the spear in which she flipped over on her back to avoid. "But if you come at me again, Tina, I will fucking kill you. No second thoughts about it."

He kept the spear raised and pointing at her face, almost touching her nose, waiting to see what she did. She laid there, labored breathing and all, as she stared up at him in shock. She raised her hands slowly in surrender and Nick backed off a little to let her get back up on her feet.

"Next time you'll get a spear to the heart," she sneered.

"Oh yeah? Well good luck getting your spear back, babe," Nick taunted before chucking the spear as hard as he could to get lost in the woods.

Tina's mouth dropped open in shock before she stomped off to go find her precious spear.

Nick shook his head at Tina's disappearing form. He knew that 12 would show him mixed feelings if he had to end up killing her, but if he wanted to get home to Jeff he had to do what he had to do.

Nick sighed as he turned back to the two kids that he had just disposed of. Fortunately the boy who had been hit in the eye had died (he must have missed the booms when he and Tina had been wrestling) and he didn't have to hit him again. He quickly grabbed both knives from their bodies before turning back to his alcove to pack up his stuff. His hide out had been found and even though there was only one who knew about it now that the other two were dead, he didn't trust Tina at all. He needed to find a new hide out and fast.

He turned to start walking, but stopped short as he about ran into someone. His fist gripped a knife as his vision focused on a little boy in front of him. He swung his arm back, but stopped as a gasp fell from his lips as he almost tripped over a vine in his effort to step back from him. He had come face to face with what looked like a little 12 year old Jeff.

The boy skidded to a halt and terrified eyes locked on the knife in Nick's hand. "D-don't—don't throw it please."

Nick's jaw dropped in shock. "Jeff?" he asked in disbelief.

The boy looked at him like he was crazy. "No… no, my name's Mark. I'm from 10."

Nick blinked, clearing his vision. He remembered now. It was hard for Nick to look at the younger tributes because he knew what was going to happen, so he hadn't paid much attention to any of them. And seeing this kid now, face to face, holy hell was it going to be hard to either kill this kid or to see him die, whichever one happened.

"All right, Je—Mark, listen, just do yourself a favor… turn around and run."

Mark hesitated, biting his lip as he looked up at Nick. "No, we can work together," Mark insisted, his big eyes begging desperately.

Nick looked away from him, hiking the strap of his bag up higher on his should. "NO! Mark, listen, only one of us can get out of this and I don't want to kill you."

"You won't have to. Just please, Nick, I don't want to be alone," the boy whispered.

Nick turned his back on the kid, running a hand down his face and rubbing it through his hair. This kid even sounded like Jeff and it killed him, much more than the fact the he was just so damn young and shouldn't even be in this situation. "Go. Just go, please."

He heard Mark start to protest, but then there was a sigh followed by retreating footsteps.

Nick took a breath to steady himself before starting to walk away himself. Not too much of a walk later and Nick found himself approaching the stream. He made sure to cover his foot prints this time. Nick kneeled down to cup some water in his hands before splashing it in his face. He was tired, hungry, and had no good spot to sleep at the moment.

He his attention was focused on trying to find a new place to hide when he heard footsteps behind him. He sighed, but didn't turn around. "Mark," he began, figuring that the kid probably followed him and nothing more, "listen—"

He stopped when he heard a laugh from behind him. "Guess again."

Nick turned to see the girl from 11 as she raised her sword. The girl was shoved to the ground right when she was about to plunge the sword into Nick's chest. The girl's knees buckle and a head of blond hair blurred over her as they struggled. It went on for a few minutes, Nick keeping out of it to stay alive and if each one killed each other then it was two less than he had to kill, right? It stopped finally, and Nick looked up to see the girl from 11 sitting on Mark with her back to Nick.

"Nice try 10," she said with another laugh, and before Nick knew what was happening she had grabbed a knife from her boot and slashed Mark's throat with it, killing him instantly.

Nick charged forward without a second's thought and took the girl's neck in his arms, snapping it in one quick motion. He threw her body to the ground and sank to his knees next to Mark's body. "Jeff… Jeff, wake up please. Jeffie, wake up," he pleaded, grabbing Mark's body to his chest as he rocked him. He flinched when heard the canon go off for the girl. He must have drowned out Mark's earlier and they were too close to his body to pick him up. "Please, Jeff, you need to wake up! Wake up!"

Nick was shaking the body now and he was losing it, tears running down his face. He yelled when someone pried him away from the body and held him down as the body was brought up with the hovercraft. He got out of the hold and stabbed at the person who had him. He barely recognized Mark's district partner before he sunk his knife into her over and over again, blaming her for Mark's body going away.

He finally stopped stabbing the girl, running out of energy and the boom going off to signal that she was dead. He walked far enough away from the body so it could go up. He lost control and the girl suffered for it. He never wanted anyone to suffer.

Later that night he saw on the screen the two he killed that was with Tina, Mark and Mark's his district partner, and the girl from 11, along with the boy from 6, and the boy from 3. Nick somehow knew that those where Tina's kills.

"Let the games begin," Nick whispered as he cleaned his knife.


	4. What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Glee where Nick and Jeff are from and do not own The Hunger Games that this is based off of.

**Warnings:** violence, blood, gore, death.

* * *

**Chapter 4**  
_**What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger**_

* * *

It's been what felt like a couple days since Mark died. He can't really keep track of time in the arena. He hasn't run into Tina again yet, but he was ready for her. He was ready to kill her.

He's only had one incident with the girl from 1, and well… he was forced to drown her. He couldn't do anything else.

He hated killing people. But as the days passed, he found himself thinking more and more about the ways he was going to kill the other tributes. It made his stomach roll, but he had to. He had no other choice. All he wanted to do was get home to Jeff.

Nick was pretty good about not eating anything suspicious. If it didn't look like anything he'd eaten before, he doesn't touch it.

So when he started examining the berries on the bush in front of him he felt weird; like he had to eat these berries. Like they were so good looking that he just had to eat them.

Before he knew it he had one in his hand and he was rolling it between his fingers. "One couldn't hurt, right?" he said out loud, but his mind was screaming at him to throw it down. He couldn't control himself for some reason. The berry was so good looking, and he hadn't eaten for a few hours.

The one thing he did do in training was study which plants he wasn't supposed to eat and what they looked like. He paused, thinking back as various plants flew through his mind's eye. Suddenly he slapped himself in the face and dropped the berry. This berry, he remembered, was a chemically enhanced berry made by the Capitol. It was a long complicated name he could never remember, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that this berry was lethal.

He felt his heart ache when he started to remember when he first saw the berries.

_He and Jeff sat in the clearing right outside of the fence. It was a beautiful day outside and the two were lounging in the grass. Nick's eyes roamed the clearing, but soon they were fixed on a bush full of berries. Hungry, he ran towards it. He grabbed a handful of the berries from the bush and brought them to his mouth to eat but they were slapped from his hands._

_"No, Nicky, don't eat those!" Jeff cried. _

_Nick, for some unknown reason, was extremely pissed. "What the hell, Jeff? Those were mine!" _

_"__You big idiot, those berries will kill you! They draw you in, hypnotize you or something. It's something the Capitol made. You eat them and—_bam_—you go crazy, killing everything in sight until finally—you _die_!" _

_Nick looked down at the pile of berries that had landed at his feet, then back up at Jeff with a horrified expression on his face. Jeff had just saved his life. "Jeff, what are they?" _

_"The name, Nicky, is way too long to say, and I couldn't even if I wanted to. So, let's just call them Nutcase Berries."_

Nick looked back down at the berry he had almost just eaten. He was glad he could remember things, but it hurt so bad to think about Jeff.

As his thoughts were filled with Jeff, Nick wasn't paying any attention to anything around him. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain and then the flow of blood running down his neck. He screamed, dropping to the ground on his stomach. He lifted his hand to find the source of the blood and found that half his ear was missing. _What the hell?_ A glint of silver caught his eye and… _holy fuck, someone cut my ear off_!

"I was hoping you would just eat the damn things and die. Now I have to take care of you myself."

Nick looked up to see the boy from 4 standing a few feet away holding all of Nick's knives. Nick's stomach dropped because he was stupid enough to leave them laying by his other stuff. He hissed as the pain in his ear finally caught up to his brain, and the 4 kid laughed.

"Not as tough as I thought you were there, 12. What was that kid's name? Mark? Or Jeff, as you called him?" Shock filled Nick's face and the kid laughed. "Oh yeah, I've been following you for some time trying to find the right moment, you know? And here it is. That kid was pathetic and you cried like a fucking baby," the kid sneered, twirling one of Nick's knives in his hand. "Who's Jeff, Nick? Is he your boyfriend? Well, your boyfriend is about to watch you die on television. I think I'll go slow, though, you know? Maybe cut off the rest of your ear first."

The sixteen-year-old started walking towards Nick, causing him to scramble backwards on his hands and feet. He didn't know what to do. He had to think fast. He looked down at the ear in his hand and had an idea. He looked up at 4, the meanest smile Nick had ever seen curled upon the boy's lips.

"Catch!" Nick threw the ear at the boy, effectively catching him off guard, and he tried to dodge the ear. Nick got to his feet and charged the boy, tackling him to the ground. What followed was a lot of punches and hair-pulling (something that was not his finest hour, but desperate times and all that) in a battle of trying to one-up each other until a sharp pain throbbed through Nick's skull making him scream out and freeze.

The boy was _pinching_ the ear wound and Nick was paralyzed by the pain for a few seconds. Nick tried to relax and push the pain to the back of his mind. 4 let out an amused chuckle at Nick's pain, and so Nick took this tiny lapse in the boy's focus to roll to his left, roughly flipping them so that Nick was the one on top.

Once on top, Nick had to move quickly in order to keep the upper hand. He dug his thumbs into each of the boy's eyes. The boy howled in pain and tried desperately to buck Nick off of him, but Nick only pressed his thumbs in harder.

Finally the boy's body went limp. Nick knew he wasn't dead and had just passed out, but he'd take what he could get. He took a couple deep breaths, removing his hands from the boy's face and flexed his cramping digits before picking up his discarded knives that lay abandoned on the ground.

Pushing himself up from the ground, he briefly contemplated killing the boy on the spot or just leaving him. The kid was now blind so he probably wouldn't last long anyway, so Nick decided to just leave him there and started walking away from the prone body.

_He deserved to suffer_, Nick pacified in his mind.

A moan rose behind him, making him freeze in his tracks. He knew that Jeff was sitting at home, watching intently, and waiting to see what he was going to do.

Jeff wouldn't leave the kid to die. He would at least put him out of his misery.

After breathing out a long-suffering sigh, Nick walked over to the boy and kneeled on the ground, chewing on his lip. Slowly he reached out, his hands shaking slightly as he took the boy's head in his hands. For the second time in the arena he snapped someone's neck. The crack was louder than the first, seeming to echo even louder in the clearing. The sickly sound made him want to puke.

He flinched as the canon sounded before standing and walking away from the body. He waited until it was out of sight, collapsing against a tree and sliding down the trunk to sit on the ground.

Soon the pain intensified as the adrenaline eased out of his veins. He assessed his body, looking down to see the mass amount of blood that soaked his shirt. The sight of the blood combined with the pain made his stomach roll, his head throbbing so bad that he wanted to just shut his eyes and pass out and ride out this horror on a wave of blissful darkness.

He wondered why he didn't get anything from his mentor. Then he realized he probably didn't have any sponsors because he was such a dick. So he was screwed, bleeding, with no help.

_Well fuck_.

Nick knew he was in trouble when an hour later his wound was still bleeding heavily.

Sighing, trying not to freak out too bad, he rolled his eyes skyward as tears rolled down his face. This was it. He was screwed. After everything, he was going to die like this. He was going to die on his own from bleeding out and not at the hand of another tribute that was fast enough to get him.

With him gone Tina would win.

He would die and break his promise and never make it home to Jeff. He would never be able to have a life with the boy he loved.

He was going to die. And he was going to die slowly… and _alone_.

This made him cry even more knowing he was never going to have Jeff wrap his arms around him and tell him he loved him again.

"Please. Please don't let me die out here. Please. I just want to go home." He was crying and begging and he just wanted to sleep, except he was afraid that if he fell asleep he wouldn't wake up.

No parachute dropped.

Nothing.

Nobody wanted to help the bastard from 12.

He sighed and accepted his fate. To die alone by bleeding. To death. Slowly. All under a tree in an arena in a sick game that was televised.

He shut his eyes, prepared for his slow death, when he heard the game maker's voice booming all around him. "Attention tributes: you're all in need of something or another, so we've decided to hold a feast."

Nick sighed again, this time louder, more like a groan. He knew that there was going to be something there for his ear, but he would never win in a fight against anyone because he was in too much pain, woozy from the blood loss, and he was now deaf in one ear (as he just realized from the muffled announcement that he could only hear through one ear). But what other choice did he have? He had to at least try; he had promised Jeff.

So he came to the conclusion that he was going to go to this feast, fight as hard as he could, probably die trying, but he was going to _try_.

Nick made his way to the Cornucopia, crouching low to wait a few feet back in the bushes. The bags were all sitting on the table waiting to be grabbed by the tributes. He heard rustling behind him and a girl who was about 13 froze when she saw him.

He put his finger to his lips so she wouldn't speak. It was a silent agreement to let each other go. But he had an idea. He waved his hand to show her that she could go first. She smiled at him and ran out into the clearing.

Nick cringed as the girl ran because he knew what was coming. He had used her as bait.

He waited and finally he saw a spear fly into the air, hitting the girl in the heart. The girl screamed, dropping to the ground like a dead weight. She wasn't dead yet, Nick could tell because her gaze landed on him, pleading with him for help. Nick cursed her silently because she had just given away his hiding spot.

Then two canons boomed. Surprised, he turned to see the boy from 7 falling to the ground right in front of him. Moving his gaze up, his eyes landed on the girl from 9 holding a bow staring down at the fallen boy.

"Sorry, kiddo, that's Tina's kill," Nick heard her say before she landed a kick to the boy's body.

Another canon boomed, and the girl was suddenly in front of Nick, grinning wickedly at him. This game really brought out the crazy in everyone. "Must be the other one from 7 down then." She grabbed Nick by his hurt ear and yanked him up. She turned him back around to face the Cornucopia and moved him forward a little, letting go of his ear and shoving her bow against his back. "Tina needs to talk to you, Nicky."

After a nudge to his back Nick walked forward (What else could he do when his head was spinning just from standing up, his ear throbbing from being pulled?) into the clearing to see Tina and 9's district partner. The two were arguing about something, and Nick caught the tail end of the conversation as they walked closer.

"We need to kill him fast! He's brutal, Tina!" the boy was saying, close to shrieking with a crazed look in his eyes.

Tina shook her head. "I'll kill him any way I want to!"

"This isn't how an alliance works!" He stamped his foot and Tina smiled, chillingly sweet, at him.

"Fine, this was getting boring anyways." She picked up the mace at her feet and swung it at the boy's head. The mace connected with the boy's temple, his body thudding on the ground with the mace still stuck in his head. Nick let out an involuntary gasp of surprise and winced, followed by the sound of the canon.

Tina looked up then, turning her sweet smile on Nick. "Nicky! I knew you would come! Can't help getting free stuff, can you?"

Nick spat at her (literally), earning a twist of the raw meat that was his ear by the girl in 9. Nick winced in pain but didn't give anyone the satisfaction of crying out, glaring instead at Tina.

It wasn't until the hovercraft picked up the boy's body when Tina started talking again. "So, Nicky," she started calmly, leaning heavily on her spear, "I heard that you killed people. What is Jeffy gonna think about you now?" Tina was mocking him and he knew it.

"Well, Tina, he'll be upset, but he knows it has to be done, just like all of twelve will know that I had to kill you," he deadpanned.

9 laughed and the sound of it made Nick cringe because it was such an awful noise. "You wish, 12. You aren't making it out of here alive."

"Well, 9, tell me," he paused to turn his focus on the other girl, "what are you going to do when Tina kills me?" He focused his gaze back on Tina. "You two are the only ones left."

The girl's face fell in fear as realization filled her eyes. It was just now dawning on her that she was going to die; that she couldn't beat Tina.

Nick smirked as he felt the bow leave his back. She was backing away. He turned around to look at her once more to find that she still had the bow raised but was a good six feet away from him now.

He reached to his belt and grabbed a knife, twisting his body to aim a throw at her, but quickly flipped the knife around in his hand to throw it behind him to hit Tina. His gaze flicked behind him at the grunt of surprise to find that he had landed his throw, hitting Tina square in the stomach.

Footsteps thundered on the ground as Nick turned around quickly to see the girl running. He whipped another knife out of his coat, swiftly chucking the weapon with all his strength at the retreating girl. It sliced into the back of her neck, the momentum sending her forward to the ground, the sound of the canon firing instantly.

That deed done, he turned back to Tina to find her slowly crawling away. He followed her slowly, watching her struggle. He looked up for a second to see where she could possibly be headed when he felt a sharp stab in his leg. He looked down to see that Tina, in a flash, had flipped herself around on the ground to dig the spear she had crawled to all the way through his leg. He screamed in pain, her laugh mixing with a loud snap as she broke the spear embedded in his leg.

Looking at his leg he saw the spearhead through one side of his leg and part of the handle sticking out the other. The sight made his stomach lurch but the adrenaline that coursed through his veins made him numb to the pain after the initial impact.

Slowly he lifted his head, a cool smile curling his lips as he leveled his gaze on her. She thought she had won, but she had no idea that she had just given him the upper hand.

Nick spun on his heel and aimed the spearhead straight for Tina's face. She screamed in pain as the spearhead dug into her eye. Nick yanked his leg back, hearing and watching as her eyeball was ripped from its socket, embedded on the spearhead.

She was screaming, a blood curdling scream that was too muffled by the blood rushing in his good ear from the adrenaline for him to hear, and rolling around in pain.

Nick collapsed to the ground, landing hard on his butt, ripping the spear from his leg, howling in pain. He then dragged himself over to Tina's body, smiling down at her. Her one eye went wide. She knew. She knew she had just lost the Hunger Games.

As quick as lightning Nick brought his hand up and then stabbed the spear down into her head so fast she didn't even scream. He pulled it out slowly, repeating the stabbing and ripping the spear out until he heard the canon fire.

That canon stood for a lot of things: Tina's death, Nick's winning, and Jeff.

He was going home to Jeff.

* * *

Everything went by in a blur.

He didn't even remember being lifted out of the arena. It was all just a blur in his mind because nothing mattered. Nothing except that he was _going home_.

He was now sitting in a chair next to Caesar, watching the Hunger Games that he had won.

He watched as he killed people, as Tina planned his death. He watched as he screamed Jeff's name and when Mark died.

When it was over Nick felt like puking.

That person… that wasn't who he was.

How much had the games changed him? How different was he?

Was Jeff still going to love the killer Nick's become?

Caesar shook his shoulder. Startled, Nick lashed out, grabbing the man's wrist before he knew what he was doing. He was still in battle mode from the Games.

When he came to his senses, he let go quickly and apologized.

"No, no, it's fine. A little spooked still, understandable. I'll repeat my question. How proud do you think Jeff is of you right now?"

Nick laughed a little, mirthlessly. "I don't think he's proud of me at all."

The whole place was quiet and Caesar looked confused. "But you won! You're going home."

"Yeah, but at what cost? I _killed_ people! I lost an _ear_!" he exclaimed, pointing to the spot where his ear should be. "All the things this place can do and they can't replace my ear."

"Yes," Caesar said, nodding, "but they gave you a special piece of equipment that lets you hear on that side, right?"

It was true. Half of Nick's ear was gone and they had implanted a metal piece that let him hear where the missing part of his ear should be.

"Yeah, well, it's not the same." _Can't you see the goddamn gaping hole on the side of my head? _Nick sneered silently.

Abruptly, Caesar turned to the audience to announce that they were out of time. Nick was escorted off the stage; his gloominess was starting to cause a stir. He didn't care. He would be home soon and everything would be okay.

At least he hoped.

* * *

He fell asleep having dreams of a screaming Mark and a dying Tina. He woke up more aggravated than usual.

When he was finally on the train he ignored everyone and just sat in his room waiting for the moment he arrived home; the moment when he found out if Jeff still loved him.

When they finally pulled up to the station Nick felt like he was going to faint, he was so nervous.

He stepped out onto the platform and was immediately bombarded by his family. There were hugs and tears, and Nick actually laughed as he picked up his little two-year-old sister when she tugged on his pants.

"Nicky!" she shrieked.

Hugging her tightly, he chanced a glance over her head and saw a very familiar blond head of hair. He put his sister down and started walking forward, as if in slow motion, until he found himself standing in front of Jeff.

Jeff had watched every step, frozen and waiting for Nick to make his way across the platform. Before Nick could say anything, Jeff flung himself into Nick's arms, his own coming around Nick's shoulders as he crashed his body into Nick's in a fierce hug.

"Nick, I'm so fucking happy you made it home," Jeff choked out wetly in the crook of Nick's shoulder, his face buried in Nick's neck. Nick could feel the wetness as tears flowed from the blond boy's eyes and Nick found that he too was crying. Nick just felt happy that Jeff didn't hate him. The knot in his stomach that he hadn't noticed had formed untied itself.

"Do you still love me?" he choked desperately into Jeff's shoulder.

The boy's body vibrated in his arms as the sound of Jeff's soft laughter filled his ears. Jeff pulled out of his embrace—Nick trying to clutch him back—to smile at him.

Nick had thought he would have never see that smile again, or hear that laugh. But he could now. Because he was home.

_Home_. With Jeff. A fresh wave of tears flowed from his eyes.

Nick's heart stopped beating until Jeff leaned down, his breath ghosting over Nick's lips as he whispered, "Forever, Nicky."

Then there was a light pressure on Nick's lips as Jeff kissed him, and Nick gasped out a relieved sob as his eyes fell shut, kissing the boy back. The boy he loved so deeply that he had endured the most horrifying things to be able to come back to.

Nick knew that he would be tortured by what happened in that arena for the rest of his life, but as long as he had Jeff he would get through it.

_I did it for you, Jeff, and I will never regret it._

* * *

**A/N:** That's it! So so sorry for the wait, but hopefully this last part was worth the wait. Right? :P Let me know what you think! Please, please review!


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